Navigating Anger: What Not to Say
I’m sure we’ve all been in situations where anger was visibly intense, and perhaps you’ve witnessed or experienced boiling emotions that got triggered by someone saying something and inadvertently making matters worse. It’s a common scenario and handling it with tact and empathy is crucial.
Here are a few things you might want to steer clear of saying when faced with an angry person:
1. "Calm down."
- While this phrase may be well-intentioned, it often has the opposite effect. It can be perceived as dismissive and may escalate the person's anger. Think about it when you are angry and someone say calm down usually you feel like you want to strangle them. You feel that they do not understand you and instead of being calmer you get more upset.
2. "You're overreacting."
- Invalidating someone's feelings by suggesting they're exaggerating can make them feel unheard and misunderstood. I don’t like that statement. Overreacting according to whom? And compared to what or who’s standard. This is defiantly a phrase to avoid.
3. "It's not a big deal."
- What may seem trivial to you might be significant to them. See it is not your place to decide what is important to someone nor how intensely they feel. This might have zero importance to you but maybe they have been waiting g for something and they feel its lost and that chance or situation they can not get it back. Remember situations have no meaning unless we assign the meaning to them. So you have no way of knowing what this situation or thing meant to them.
4. "You shouldn't feel that way."
- Telling someone how they should or shouldn't feel only adds to their frustration. Again here I’m going to ask according to whom I should not feel that way. And That way what does it mean exactly. Remember that people who are angry are much more sensitive than people in a balanced state.
5. "You always get like this."
- Generalizing their behavior is never a good idea. Anytime we generalize something we lump many people and situations into one often people that might not belong in same category and person hearing that statement might go into overdrive assuming the worst. This statement doesn't address the specific situation at hand.
6. "You're just being sensitive."
- Dismissing their emotions as hypersensitivity creates the assumption that being sensitive is bad. That we should just be tough. For many people it creates oppositional reactions and makes them feel misunderstood.
7. "It's not my problem."
- Even if you're not directly involved, expressing indifference can exacerbate the situation. This statement also makes the person feel all alone with what they are going through which is not helpful. Some people might read this as passive aggressive which will only add fuel to their anger.
8. "You're being irrational."
- Labeling someone as irrational can escalate their emotions further. Also this implies lack of logical thinking which is valued very high in our culture. Its better to omit this statement.
Remember, when someone is angry, they’re likely experiencing heightened emotions. Approach the conversation with empathy, active listening, and a willingness to understand their perspective. Sometimes, acknowledging their feelings and offering a safe space to vent can make all the difference.
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Dominika Staniewicz
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http://yourbraincoachd.com/
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is intended for general informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, psychiatrist, psychologist, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.
The Brain Coach is not a licensed psychiatrist, therapist, or psychologist, and the content provided here should not be considered as a replacement for professional medical services. The Brain Coach is not qualified to provide medical advice.
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